The theme night.....and the stairs....

I want to meet you.

I was looking forward to our Dinner date. Wanted to take you to the same place where we went when we first met when I was a newcomer to your town.

I still remember the look in your eyes while we were sharing a smoke outside the joint on that cool summer evening. Something told me you wanted me around longer. Those eyes have swept me off into the ocean of desire since the day I have known you and the look that day has clung on to my heart till date.

If I could paint, trust me Tina....I would paint that image right now.

Those eyes made me feel so special that day. The attention they gave filled me, fueled me and eventually fragmented my thoughts. I wanted to grab you and hide you away from this world.

You don't say much, or maybe I say so much that whatever you say seems less. But then maybe I feel so because I am so greedy for everything that has to do with you.

What have you done to me? I wish I had known that I would be such a wreck because some damsel, not in distress,  would step into my life almost 14 summers ago.

The world has moved on. We have gone from transistor size mobile phones worth a fortune to mini hand held computing devices still worth the same fortune in these 14 years. I have moved on from that set up, everything but you is a faint memory from that time.

At times I feel like I am taking a flight of stairs and you are standing at the top. These are meant to be the 108 steps that we used to take everyday to get to class. But no, when I take these steps to get to you...they seem countless. I am just climbing and climbing and there seems to be no end.

Why is it that way?

And then you say you wanna let go........ 

Taunting Darkness

There is this darkness which takes over my mind..... it becomes an expanse like that of a rural landscape at night. With nothing but darkness all around, the only glimmer is from logs of wood lit at a distance. The light from the flames is good enough to light up the area close to it and act as a guiding glow which gives me direction.

As I come close, I see someone sitting close to the burning logs. I strain my eyes, the impatience in me wanting to know the person who sits there even though I am still quite a distance away. My heart starts to pound. I can feel the blood throbbing, wanting to burst out of my veins, for it can no longer keep up with my anxious heart.

I start walking faster, dry leaves crushing under my feet. I start to smile to myself as I can only think of being with one person. As I come close, I see that its a girl, her long hair fluttering and the fragrance of her body wafting through the gentle breeze all the way to me. The scent fills me up and gives me goosebumps. My walk turns into a jog..... I can no longer contain my anxiety and they are released in the form of tears that roll down my cheeks.

After all, I have been craving for my girl for what seems likes eons.

Now I start to run, and for some reason, a word comes to my lips. My voice cracks and I yell......"Tina, is that you?". I get no reply, only a slight turn of the head away from me. Her mane flutters faster and the flames dim out in the breeze. I hold my breath momentarily as the thought of the flames going out and me losing sight of my guiding light drains the color right out of my face. For some reason, she seems going farther away from me, no matter how much I run towards the light.

I start to stumble and my knees start going weak with anxiety. I can only see Tina's face flashing in front of me, alternating between the glow from the fired up logs. It simply reminded me of the first time I had smoked up, the water cooler at the end of the corridor of my hostel seemed miles away and seemed like it had feet and was walking further away taunting me.

Only this time, I was not stoned. Yet, Tina seemed to be taunting me. The flashes showed her smiling at me.

I was not able to figure out if she loved me or she loved seeing me crave????

I finally break into a sprint, gather every bit of my strength and catch up with the taunting flames, the taunting girl and the taunting glow. I fall on my knees, try and catch my breath looking at the girl all the time. Her mane is fluttering right over her face.

I can't see her, but I can smell only her. The burning wood, the sweat on my body...everything seems odorless.

I finally gather the strength and pull towards the girl with the flowing mane. I reach out and hold her with one hand and use my other hand to move her hair to the side to reveal what I have been wanting to see everyday when I wake up. As I move her hair, her beautiful eyes are revealed and just like a bolt of electricity, It jolts me right down to the soul of my soul. But before I can see anymore, there is this sudden burst of wind and the flames go out and with that Tina vanishes from my grip.

I sit there startled, alone, craving, yearning, sobbing, yelling. Her scent lingers on and the feel of her mane and the sight of her eyes console me and gives me the strength to continue looking for that flickering glow in the vast expanse of darkness that surrounds me.

I know Tina is there.

I know I will find her.

I know I will embrace her.

I know..... I know.... I know