Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences , penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope - Maya Angelou (1928 - 2014)
Friday, May 30, 2014
Feelings.....!!!!
Tina......
I was just wondering...... if the feeling between us is mutual. Maybe I speak out and you don't...... well I know you don't because you do not want to build a castle in thin air. I really do not blame you for that though. But having said that, I choose to go with the flow. Remember.......!!! ONE LIFE.
So why do I pick this topic of "Feelings"....... ?
I ask myself..... what is it about Tina that drives me to relegate everything else to the back room and trash all possible theories of why the relationship is not bound to work? You know, for all practical purposes....and to ensure sensitivity towards the ones already attached to our lives...... it would be "Practical" to stay away from each other. That is probably the only reason why the theories of us not being able to be one would apply. But then the impact of this theory is enormous, the impact on the sensitivity of those attached is enormous and I will be the first one to reluctantly accept it.
Having said that, either it is my thick skull or the absolute state of love paralysis when I think about you, that it makes me want to take on any situation that is thrown at me if the end result is going to be having you and your little one permanently in my life. How things would pan out if you were to be mine is something that I am unable picture....... but one feeling is certain..... that there would be no scope of disappointment baby. I will have this willingness to try and work out every problem to ensure our happiness.
You maybe wondering why am I talking about all this..... since this is not the first time we are talking about it. But then you know me, when it comes to you....... nothing stays in. I loved a line a friend of mine recently spoke..... when she got to know about you and I being together and when she spoke about the futility of this effort that I was making and the thread of hope that I was clinging onto.... she said..... "Only Tina could have made you risk breaking your heart once again." and that she saw a man "Who sleeps, eats and breathes Tina"
Is that a bad thing? Am i losing my mind?
Thinking about you revitalizes me, hearing your voice rejuvenates me and your expression of love sends me to the moon and back.
You know..... finding a life partner is not a tough thing..... you found yours and i will find mine if i go looking for one...... but finding a mate for life....the one that would complete you at all levels, emotional...physical.... spiritual...at worldly and not so worldly levels..... that is what I am chasing Tina..... because in you...I see that fulfillment.
Do i make any sense???? I don't know....but its all clear in mind though.
I am in love with you.
Muah!!!!
I was just wondering...... if the feeling between us is mutual. Maybe I speak out and you don't...... well I know you don't because you do not want to build a castle in thin air. I really do not blame you for that though. But having said that, I choose to go with the flow. Remember.......!!! ONE LIFE.
So why do I pick this topic of "Feelings"....... ?
I ask myself..... what is it about Tina that drives me to relegate everything else to the back room and trash all possible theories of why the relationship is not bound to work? You know, for all practical purposes....and to ensure sensitivity towards the ones already attached to our lives...... it would be "Practical" to stay away from each other. That is probably the only reason why the theories of us not being able to be one would apply. But then the impact of this theory is enormous, the impact on the sensitivity of those attached is enormous and I will be the first one to reluctantly accept it.
Having said that, either it is my thick skull or the absolute state of love paralysis when I think about you, that it makes me want to take on any situation that is thrown at me if the end result is going to be having you and your little one permanently in my life. How things would pan out if you were to be mine is something that I am unable picture....... but one feeling is certain..... that there would be no scope of disappointment baby. I will have this willingness to try and work out every problem to ensure our happiness.
You maybe wondering why am I talking about all this..... since this is not the first time we are talking about it. But then you know me, when it comes to you....... nothing stays in. I loved a line a friend of mine recently spoke..... when she got to know about you and I being together and when she spoke about the futility of this effort that I was making and the thread of hope that I was clinging onto.... she said..... "Only Tina could have made you risk breaking your heart once again." and that she saw a man "Who sleeps, eats and breathes Tina"
Is that a bad thing? Am i losing my mind?
Thinking about you revitalizes me, hearing your voice rejuvenates me and your expression of love sends me to the moon and back.
You know..... finding a life partner is not a tough thing..... you found yours and i will find mine if i go looking for one...... but finding a mate for life....the one that would complete you at all levels, emotional...physical.... spiritual...at worldly and not so worldly levels..... that is what I am chasing Tina..... because in you...I see that fulfillment.
Do i make any sense???? I don't know....but its all clear in mind though.
I am in love with you.
Muah!!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
My passion for you stays......
Morning my love. You will always be my love....no matter what happens today or tomorrow or whenever. You will remain the one person outside my family who is my family to me. Ofcourse there will be a couple of other friends who are like my family.... but none of them I would consider my soulmate.
No matter what thoughts grate and grind my mind, at the end of it I can only love you and do nothing else. I am helpless there. For example when you said thank you for the seat, it grated my senses, cause I do it for you as I would do it as if you were my wife or for my mom or my brother. I want you to take me for granted and even be a bit demanding in that sense. Generally...... take me the way you want to take me without any barriers between us. Thats the purity of my feelings.
I want you to know that I understand your heart baby. Atleast most of it. I know what is in there and what are your little dreams and desires. While I want to be a part of every breath you take, I know that is not going to happen.
When you say that "I want to go the other way" or " I feel guilty " or " I feel like i am cheating"......I know that I am no longer able to give you pure happiness in our relationship. If you remember, the only reason I got into this relationship was because i wanted to give you happiness.... make you smile...make you realise how special you are ..... and that I was getting a chance of making you mine...however miniscule it was. It was as much a selfish agenda as it was a selfless one.
But now when i feel that you have trouble looking at yourself in the eye when you wake up in the morning..... and that the thoughts of me bring about a pang of negative emotions..... I know that is not how I want to be thought about. I want to be thought for my passion...and my love....and my insanity for you and nothing else.
I am not drawing a conclusion out of this yet..... maybe I dont have the strength for it right now. I am just putting my heart right out on the table.
I write this as I wish you the best from the deepest corner of my heart with your new job and the new chapter in your life. May you achieve great heights in your profession and may you get whatever it is you desire. Even if i do not appear in that bucket list of yours.
I am super excited for your first day at work.....as if it is my first day. I am a bit nervous too.
I love you Tina....always did....always will.
My passion for you stays.
No matter what thoughts grate and grind my mind, at the end of it I can only love you and do nothing else. I am helpless there. For example when you said thank you for the seat, it grated my senses, cause I do it for you as I would do it as if you were my wife or for my mom or my brother. I want you to take me for granted and even be a bit demanding in that sense. Generally...... take me the way you want to take me without any barriers between us. Thats the purity of my feelings.
I want you to know that I understand your heart baby. Atleast most of it. I know what is in there and what are your little dreams and desires. While I want to be a part of every breath you take, I know that is not going to happen.
When you say that "I want to go the other way" or " I feel guilty " or " I feel like i am cheating"......I know that I am no longer able to give you pure happiness in our relationship. If you remember, the only reason I got into this relationship was because i wanted to give you happiness.... make you smile...make you realise how special you are ..... and that I was getting a chance of making you mine...however miniscule it was. It was as much a selfish agenda as it was a selfless one.
But now when i feel that you have trouble looking at yourself in the eye when you wake up in the morning..... and that the thoughts of me bring about a pang of negative emotions..... I know that is not how I want to be thought about. I want to be thought for my passion...and my love....and my insanity for you and nothing else.
I am not drawing a conclusion out of this yet..... maybe I dont have the strength for it right now. I am just putting my heart right out on the table.
I write this as I wish you the best from the deepest corner of my heart with your new job and the new chapter in your life. May you achieve great heights in your profession and may you get whatever it is you desire. Even if i do not appear in that bucket list of yours.
I am super excited for your first day at work.....as if it is my first day. I am a bit nervous too.
I love you Tina....always did....always will.
My passion for you stays.
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