Dated 8th May 2013
Tina.....
I feel that there is nothing that I haven't told you and yet feel that there is so much that I need to tell you!!!
For starters....... I cannot begin to explain the emotions in response to your e-mail. I read your mail and felt elated. Elated that I was able to get you to talk because I yearn to peek into your heart. I wish my Birthday was everyday so that I could get such e-mails from you everyday.
You have put me on a different pedestal by comparing our relationship to the one you share with your god. I don't know if I am truly worthy of it but I am touched indeed. But at the same time, I did feel a tinge of disappointment because I wanted a worldly relationship as well.
PROLOGUE
I remember telling you this before, I wanted the world to know about us. And the very fact that I can't is probably the biggest source of my disappointment. The very fact that I cannot scream and shout my love for you makes me unhappy. I have said this before..... I have this one birth...I know you as you in this birth...and I want you for who you are in this birth. I have spent way too much time not being a go getter….I have just lumbered through my 32 years for lack of an aim or a passion. And rightly so….. my passion was always you … its just that I realised it a tad too late. I still cannot understand how can a woman be my passion?? but I have come accept that part of me. The part that “YOU ARE MY PASSION”. Your happiness “MY AIM”.
But then that puts me in a very precarious position, practically (as you love it) you and I cannot be together (so far…..). That leaves me aimless all over again. Because…. your happiness is someone else’s responsibility.
Funny as it sounds….. my passion is someone else’s responsibility. Ha …Go figure that out.
I don’t want this write up to be a depressing rant but I am just trying to come across and make you understand where I am coming from because I really do not know where I am going.
PURITY
My feelings for you have been unlike any I have felt so far. And the best part is that these feelings come with no baggage. And maybe that’s exactly what made me realise that I cannot have you out of my life. Because if you being married and being a mother of a grown up child does not deter me from dreaming about our union…then there is certainly a deeper connection between us (I feel).
There is this certain purity that I feel towards you. And honestly, never felt this before. A sort of purity that maybe I feel towards my mother or father (no wife or kid to compare it with) and yet it goes way beyond what I feel for my folks. A sort of purity that commands a level of commitment knowing that you are loving the right person. That this person shares the same ethical and moral foundation that you have and that at a very fundamental level, that’s where the connection starts.
And in fact, I believe this feeling of purity extends way beyond. There is no doubt that the roots are our humble and grounded upbringings, but after that there is our mind and our thoughts. Our relationship in college……. that established our comfort level and made me realise that you were the one I always dreamt of. I do not remember our conversations but I do remember the level of comfort and the lack of inhibition that we shared while conversing with each other.
That planted a dream in my head. A dream to make you mine, but I never had the guts or the confidence to make that a reality. This feeling of purity is based on the foundation that I mentioned above and will remain for as long as the foundation remains intact. Yet….it extends way beyond anything I am able to articulate. That’s probably why I keep writing the word Purity so many times without being able to elaborate on it.
In simple words, everything about you is acceptable to me. Everything……………………….. your dreams, fears, success, failures, problems, solutions.
I want your mind, body and soul. (Right from the M of the Mind to the L of the Soul and everything in between)
Although I have come as close as I can…to explain Purity….I still feel I am falling short of words Tina……..
GOD
You have put me in a different league, a league in which I am the only player as I don’t feel threatened by your GOD. That makes me feel thrilled and I only wish that I was the ONLY PLAYER in your life.
Tina….I am accepting your emotions with an open heart and a smile on my face…. But as I mentioned above, I wanted a worldly relationship too. Wherein, I could put to practice all that I feel for you. I admire you for your resolve in accepting and not asking any questions, but baby I am not built that way. I am constantly nagged by the AIM/PASSION question in my life because it makes me feel that I have no purpose. And that my purpose is elsewhere with someone else. Then what am I here for?
I guess I am purely greedy about the physical aspect of our relationship. The Body part of the Mind, Body and Soul as that makes me feel incomplete. That you are not next to me, that I cannot hold your hand when I want to, that I cannot look into your eyes and show you how much I care about you whenever I want to, that I cannot sit and discuss books with you, that we cannot go and watch a movie with you and your caramel pop-corns, that I cannot make tea for you the way you love it, that I cannot tend to you when you are unwell and that we both cannot enjoy a cup of tea at a tapari or chicken momos at a joint. It’s the lack of these small physical things that make me unhappy and angry and upset.
I am happy that our arguments and fights have ended with a level of maturity and acceptance that whatever it is, it is Tina….the one I love and I accept her in every which way. Her anger, her silence …although frustrating…is equally endearing.
Tina…I cannot stop loving you……. I have not been programmed that way by your GOD. He made me for you and then he got so busy making you that he forgot about me totally
There is still so much in my head….so much I want to write but I am just unable to articulate.
Love you..........
PS:
I am still waiting for you to reply to this e-mail...... its not good to make someone "Madly in Love" wait for so long. You may not realize it............but its a torture.
Tina.....
I feel that there is nothing that I haven't told you and yet feel that there is so much that I need to tell you!!!
For starters....... I cannot begin to explain the emotions in response to your e-mail. I read your mail and felt elated. Elated that I was able to get you to talk because I yearn to peek into your heart. I wish my Birthday was everyday so that I could get such e-mails from you everyday.
You have put me on a different pedestal by comparing our relationship to the one you share with your god. I don't know if I am truly worthy of it but I am touched indeed. But at the same time, I did feel a tinge of disappointment because I wanted a worldly relationship as well.
PROLOGUE
I remember telling you this before, I wanted the world to know about us. And the very fact that I can't is probably the biggest source of my disappointment. The very fact that I cannot scream and shout my love for you makes me unhappy. I have said this before..... I have this one birth...I know you as you in this birth...and I want you for who you are in this birth. I have spent way too much time not being a go getter….I have just lumbered through my 32 years for lack of an aim or a passion. And rightly so….. my passion was always you … its just that I realised it a tad too late. I still cannot understand how can a woman be my passion?? but I have come accept that part of me. The part that “YOU ARE MY PASSION”. Your happiness “MY AIM”.
But then that puts me in a very precarious position, practically (as you love it) you and I cannot be together (so far…..). That leaves me aimless all over again. Because…. your happiness is someone else’s responsibility.
Funny as it sounds….. my passion is someone else’s responsibility. Ha …Go figure that out.
I don’t want this write up to be a depressing rant but I am just trying to come across and make you understand where I am coming from because I really do not know where I am going.
PURITY
My feelings for you have been unlike any I have felt so far. And the best part is that these feelings come with no baggage. And maybe that’s exactly what made me realise that I cannot have you out of my life. Because if you being married and being a mother of a grown up child does not deter me from dreaming about our union…then there is certainly a deeper connection between us (I feel).
There is this certain purity that I feel towards you. And honestly, never felt this before. A sort of purity that maybe I feel towards my mother or father (no wife or kid to compare it with) and yet it goes way beyond what I feel for my folks. A sort of purity that commands a level of commitment knowing that you are loving the right person. That this person shares the same ethical and moral foundation that you have and that at a very fundamental level, that’s where the connection starts.
And in fact, I believe this feeling of purity extends way beyond. There is no doubt that the roots are our humble and grounded upbringings, but after that there is our mind and our thoughts. Our relationship in college……. that established our comfort level and made me realise that you were the one I always dreamt of. I do not remember our conversations but I do remember the level of comfort and the lack of inhibition that we shared while conversing with each other.
That planted a dream in my head. A dream to make you mine, but I never had the guts or the confidence to make that a reality. This feeling of purity is based on the foundation that I mentioned above and will remain for as long as the foundation remains intact. Yet….it extends way beyond anything I am able to articulate. That’s probably why I keep writing the word Purity so many times without being able to elaborate on it.
In simple words, everything about you is acceptable to me. Everything……………………….. your dreams, fears, success, failures, problems, solutions.
I want your mind, body and soul. (Right from the M of the Mind to the L of the Soul and everything in between)
Although I have come as close as I can…to explain Purity….I still feel I am falling short of words Tina……..
GOD
You have put me in a different league, a league in which I am the only player as I don’t feel threatened by your GOD. That makes me feel thrilled and I only wish that I was the ONLY PLAYER in your life.
Tina….I am accepting your emotions with an open heart and a smile on my face…. But as I mentioned above, I wanted a worldly relationship too. Wherein, I could put to practice all that I feel for you. I admire you for your resolve in accepting and not asking any questions, but baby I am not built that way. I am constantly nagged by the AIM/PASSION question in my life because it makes me feel that I have no purpose. And that my purpose is elsewhere with someone else. Then what am I here for?
I guess I am purely greedy about the physical aspect of our relationship. The Body part of the Mind, Body and Soul as that makes me feel incomplete. That you are not next to me, that I cannot hold your hand when I want to, that I cannot look into your eyes and show you how much I care about you whenever I want to, that I cannot sit and discuss books with you, that we cannot go and watch a movie with you and your caramel pop-corns, that I cannot make tea for you the way you love it, that I cannot tend to you when you are unwell and that we both cannot enjoy a cup of tea at a tapari or chicken momos at a joint. It’s the lack of these small physical things that make me unhappy and angry and upset.
I am happy that our arguments and fights have ended with a level of maturity and acceptance that whatever it is, it is Tina….the one I love and I accept her in every which way. Her anger, her silence …although frustrating…is equally endearing.
Tina…I cannot stop loving you……. I have not been programmed that way by your GOD. He made me for you and then he got so busy making you that he forgot about me totally
There is still so much in my head….so much I want to write but I am just unable to articulate.
Love you..........
PS:
I am still waiting for you to reply to this e-mail...... its not good to make someone "Madly in Love" wait for so long. You may not realize it............but its a torture.
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