I asked Tina...."Tina...define love?"
After a brief lull...a message flashes on my phone "Love is the only dependable thing, never changing"
I couldn't agree more..because after reading that message...I related it to my feelings towards Tina.
I have been in relationships before...and I have done complete justice to them in terms of staying completely committed to them and my partners lives. But all through, I always had this question "What's up with Tina ?".
But this question was never a cause for alarm, for I was happy with my partner. But as one after another, my relationships failed, this question began creeping in.... "What did I do to deserve this?"
Today I am able to answer that question partially.... my love was always for Tina.....and that never changed. It was just hidden.
Hidden it was under layers of sweat and blood, under layers of booze and binges, under the thought that what happened was maybe "Puppy Love", under the thought that my partner was going to be with me for life, under the thought that life was cool and that nothing would change.
Alas...every thing changed..the only thing that din't change was "My love for Tina"
I love you Tina......
Is there a stronger word that I can use to describe my feeling?? If there is please tell me. Because what I feel for Tina is not love...its more than love. It is a soulful feeling which is draining my emotional energy right out of my body.
My mind is in a turmoil.... am I destined to love someone who doesn't belong to me?
Ah...Tibet here I come.... I need tranquility.....I need peace.....I need to stay disconnected from this soulless world.
After a brief lull...a message flashes on my phone "Love is the only dependable thing, never changing"
I couldn't agree more..because after reading that message...I related it to my feelings towards Tina.
I have been in relationships before...and I have done complete justice to them in terms of staying completely committed to them and my partners lives. But all through, I always had this question "What's up with Tina ?".
But this question was never a cause for alarm, for I was happy with my partner. But as one after another, my relationships failed, this question began creeping in.... "What did I do to deserve this?"
Today I am able to answer that question partially.... my love was always for Tina.....and that never changed. It was just hidden.
Hidden it was under layers of sweat and blood, under layers of booze and binges, under the thought that what happened was maybe "Puppy Love", under the thought that my partner was going to be with me for life, under the thought that life was cool and that nothing would change.
Alas...every thing changed..the only thing that din't change was "My love for Tina"
I love you Tina......
Is there a stronger word that I can use to describe my feeling?? If there is please tell me. Because what I feel for Tina is not love...its more than love. It is a soulful feeling which is draining my emotional energy right out of my body.
My mind is in a turmoil.... am I destined to love someone who doesn't belong to me?
Ah...Tibet here I come.... I need tranquility.....I need peace.....I need to stay disconnected from this soulless world.
Passing on a message from Tina…
ReplyDeleteMarried with a child, now for a few years, I feel I had forgotten what Love meant, it’s not that I am not happy or anything of that sorts, it’s just that am so stuck in this mundane life that I never gave Love a thought. Also may be we just learn to take things for granted! Not anyone’s fault we are what we are and we have to accept each other that way…
Well but when you asked me to define Love it took me just a few seconds to reply what I did (maybe the network lead you to getting the message late) – and it left me wondering that was my response so because YOU had asked the question??? Would I have said the same, with the same intensity if my husband would have asked??? Do I change as a person when I am with you….
Maybe YES!!!
You may not know this but you in so many ways have completed me emotionally, it’s not fair for me to say all this to you, especially when I know there is no commitment possible but I am compelled by my heart to!
All these blogs / Sms’s – which are not just words on internet but you pouring your heart out – all that has been stored away for soooo long…I really feel special, cherished and blessed…
You had asked me how does it feel? - Words really will fall short explaining how it feels…it gives so much warmth to my heart…I feel on the top of the world…I don’t feel lonely, I know there is someone to hold me when I fall, to hold my hand when I am sad…
Btw do you remember saying this when we were practicing for the opening dance of our last ball dance – when I had to fall back and you were to catch me – you had said “Trust me” well I never stopped trusting you since!! And never will…
In my own special way I love you and will always…but do sometimes wish if things were different – please don’t ask me to define “DIFFERENT”